


Is There Somewhere?

by thewolvescalledmehome



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 12:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewolvescalledmehome/pseuds/thewolvescalledmehome
Summary: Sansa Stark told herself she wasn’t running away, even as she stepped on the Greyhound bus. To be running away would require that there was something she was running from, something chasing her. She didn’t have anything chasing her, aside from the demons in her head. Plus, Brienne had said it might be a good idea to get away for a while. Well, technically she had said to get out of her head, go see a film. She probably didn’t mean packing a bag and getting on the first Greyhound, but here she was. Sansa didn’t even bother to see where it was heading. She just bought a ticket for it’s final destination.Or where Sansa is still healing from her past and goes to the country to escape, where she meets a man and a massive dog.





	Is There Somewhere?

Sansa Stark told herself she wasn’t running away, even as she stepped on the Greyhound bus. To be running away would require that there was something she was running from, something chasing her. She didn’t have anything chasing her, aside from the demons in her head. Plus, Brienne had said it might be a good idea to get away for a while. Well, technically she had said to get out of her head, go see a film. She probably didn’t mean packing a bag and getting on the first Greyhound, but here she was. Sansa didn’t even bother to see where it was heading. She just bought a ticket for it’s final destination.

Once on the bus, she was fighting her anxieties that she’d slowly started to learn how to manage. Which one would win out: her fear of being close to people or her fear of being trapped in a space? She could sit in an aisle seat so that she could move if she wanted to, or she could sit in the window seat and pray that someone doesn’t sit next to her, trapping her in. She saw a woman then, in the back middle, with three squalling kids. Sansa quickly took the seat behind the two children, knowing that no one would willingly choose that seat. Sansa threw her bag into the other seat, just in case. It was just in that moment that Sansa saw one of the demons that she thought was only haunting her in her mind: a man with dark hair and washed out eyes coming down the aisle. She felt her heart stutter, gut twist, hands start to shake. The muscles she had gained from her self-defense classes she took too late bunching and tensing, adrenaline spiking. His eyes slid over hers, though, and she saw that they were grey and not a bleached blue. His nose was different, and his hair. It wasn’t the same man she thought it was. It wasn’t one of her demons. The adrenaline didn’t subside though, not even when she was confused and distracted by the fact that a massive white dog was following the man.

 _I’ll be all right once I’m out of the city,_ she told herself, trying to pretend that she didn’t feel like someone was watching her.

That was why she needed to get away, and not just to a film like Brienne had suggested. She needed to get out of the city. The city was where everything had happened, where everything had gone to shit. The city was where she felt their eyes everywhere. It had been better, for a while. Once she was out of that house and in the home, she had been better about feeling the eyes. But then the home had deemed her healed or fixed or whatever it was, and she was on her own again, in an apartment that didn’t have eyes but everywhere else did. She saw them on the street, in the store, in Brienne’s waiting room. She had been fine for nearly a year but a handful of months on her own and she was back to where she had been when Brienne first brought her to the home.

* * *

It was two and a half hours into the journey that the bus stopped at a rest station. Everyone filed off the bus, so Sansa did as well. She went to the restroom like the rest of the women, but hesitated upon exiting. She remembered other times she’d been in public restrooms, with one or more of her demons on the other side of the door, waiting for her. She had to remind herself the mantra Brienne had helped her with. _I’ve turned my skin from porcelain to ivory, to steel. They cannot hurt me anymore._ She looked at her hands, no longer soft and unmarred with painted, rounded nails. She looked at the calluses she’d developed, the scars won through hard work, naked nails cut down. She was not the same person. This was not the same public restroom. There was someone waiting for her on the other side. Or something, rather. It was the massive white dog that belonged to the man she had thought she had recognized. She looked around for the man, suddenly tense. When she didn’t hear or see anything, she quickly moved on. The dog followed. Sansa stopped. The dog stopped. Sansa started and paused a few more times, watching as the dog did the same. Sansa almost smiled to herself. The dog walked next to her, all the way from the restroom to the doors of the bus, where it paused, waiting for her and only climbed in once she had. Sansa saw the man who owned the dog then; obviously sound asleep on the back bench of the bus. After Sansa sat down, the dog joined the man.

Sansa found it was the same with every rest station they stopped at. The man appeared to stay asleep; the dog would join her as a silent companion.

Until they reached the last rest station before their final destination. Sansa still wasn’t quite sure where that was, just that it was north of the city and near the coast. It was far enough way and that was all that mattered. She had gotten so accustomed, in the handful of trips to the bathroom, of the dog’s presence that she scarcely noticed anything else. For instance, she’d hadn’t noticed that when she got off the bus, the man had as well, or when she didn’t get immediately on the bus after exiting the rest stop, she didn’t see the man sitting near by on a bench.

“Ghost, stop bothering the lady. Come,” the man called after he had noticed his dog walking in tandem with Sansa. Sansa started when she heard his voice. The dog, Ghost, Sansa reasoned, lifted its head toward the man, but made no movement. “Ghost,” he tried again, voice firmer, more commanding. Sansa, suddenly feeling more anxious than she had been, started to move away, both from the dog and the man, but the dog stayed by her side. It was his voice that caused it, the commanding tone. She could recognize her triggers at this point, but consistently doing something about them was a whole other set of issues.

At that point, Sansa started to walk toward the man, if not to prove to herself that she could then to just return his dog to him. _I’ve turned my skin from porcelain to ivory, to steel. They cannot hurt me anymore._

“Sorry ‘bout him. He doesn’t usually wander off,” the man told her. Sansa nodded, careful to keep her distance. The man continued to look at her, probably wondering what she was doing on the bus. With her age and her outfit of leggings and a wrap she looked caught between a teenage runaway and a twenty-something vagabond.

“S’all right.” The dog still stayed at her side, rather than the man’s.

“I’m Jon,” he offered, extending his hand. She stared at it for a beat. Slowly, she gave her own. Sansa was more hesitant with her name though. She wanted to not be Sansa, the one with the past, the year spent in a home, the one who feels eyes watching her when there are none. She wanted to be that twenty-something vagabond she could pass as. A traveler adrift in the wind.

“Alayne.”

“You’re going to White Harbor as well?” White Harbor? Is that where we’re going?

“I am.” He opened his mouth to say something more when she saw the driver walk past, getting on the bus.

“Looks like we’re ready to go,” Sansa commented, indicating to the man. Jon nodded and Sansa noticed how he fell in step with her, but kept Ghost between them.

The stop in White Harbor was another two hours of Sansa staring out the window, watching the colors dull. She wondered about Jon and Ghost, why Ghost was allowed on the bus, and thinking of reasons why to let the dog on kept her mind off her demons. She didn’t think of why the man, Jon, had caused her adrenaline to spike. She didn’t think of why having Ghost at her side was such a comfort. Her mind didn’t wander to past incidences where she almost did get on a bus and run away. Memories didn’t flash in her mind of a mouth covered in spittle from yelling, of the man old enough to be her father standing a little too close, eyes wandering a little too low for too long, of the washed out blue eyes peering at her through a hole it took her far too long to notice. She didn’t think of why she needed to get out of the city in the first place. It started to feel a little less like running away.

When she got off the bus at White Harbor, Sansa half expected Ghost to escort her out of the station, but she remembered that Jon would be getting off the bus now too, and Ghost would be with him.

At the inn, Sansa got a room and deposited her belongings in it before returning outside. It was mid spring and everything was damp and grey, either covered in fog or frost, but it was also dark greens and browns, all very mystical in appearance. Despite looking cold and looming, Sansa found it homey. She was from a city farther north than White Harbor, and the mist and moss reminded her of home, of Winterfell. She couldn’t go back there. Not yet, anyway, not until she was fully healthy again and she didn’t feel anyone’s eyes anywhere. Sansa settled herself on a little knoll that overlooked the cliffs, using her jacket as a blanket against the wet grass. From there, she could just hear the waves breaking against the cliffs, a gull or two screeching in the distance. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was not the city. The knoll became Sansa’s place. She quickly fell into a routine of eating the breakfast provided by the inn, finding lunch at the diner in town, and eating dinner from the inn in her room. The rest of the time she spent at the knoll, sitting, listening. Remembering.

She forced herself to go over each reason she ended up at the home, with Brienne, and who had put her there. The first day she remembered Joffery, her college boyfriend. She remembered how she thought he was a prince. But then she remembered the one night they went out drinking and she learned that he was not a prince but a monster. He would get angry, yell, scream at her awful things that she knew weren’t true, but then she heard them so many times she started to believe them. _Worthless. Stupid. Slut. You’ll never do better than me. You can’t survive without me. You wouldn’t make it on your own. Weak. Crybaby. Sensitive, too sensitive. So stupid. Ugly. Never loved you anyway._ He had only hit her physically twice, but it felt like a blow to her head and heart every time he yelled or screamed something at her.

The second day she remembered Petyr. He was her mother’s age, an old man. She remembered how she thought he was her knight in shining armor, coming to save the damsel in distress from the monster. He had been the one to notice her bruise, to get her out of the apartment, moved her into his. She thought he was so selfless, giving up so much to help her. But then she remembered how he started to stand too close, rest his hand a little too low on her back, kiss a little too close to her mouth. How he’d accidentally open doors, particularly her own and the bathroom, and forget to knock. How sometimes he’d come to her room late at night when he thought she was sleeping and sit on her bed. He never touched her, but that was somehow worse than what Joffery had done. With Joffery, she could lock him out, hide away and plug her ears. She still had a safe space to call her own. Not with Petyr. He took that too.

The third day she remembered Ramsay, Petyr’s nephew. She remembered how she thought he might be all right, because she didn’t believe in knights or princes. Not anymore. But then she remembered how he would be constantly watching her. He would show up places she was: work, school, a store. He would act surprised, and she believed it the first couple of times. But then it was too much to be a coincidence. If she went out with friends, he was there as well. For a while she thought it was just a little weird, a little strange. It wasn’t as bad as Joffery or Petyr sneaking into her bedroom at night. Until she tried replacing a piece of art on the wall of her room. There was a hole in the wall, and at first she thought nothing of it. Until she looked closer at the painting and realized that there was a small hole in that too, that lined up with the hole in the wall. And then she saw them everywhere: in her room, from all angles, in the bathroom, even in common rooms, there were holes in the walls. One night, Sansa drudged up the courage to look in the hole from her side, and she saw Ramsay’s washed out blue eye staring back. And he saw hers, and he laughed. He thought it was funny that she caught him. He didn’t try hiding it then, instead made a game out of it; a twisted version of _Where’s Waldo? Where’s Ramsay?_ Because he’s always watching. He took everything she had left.

Joffery had taken her self-esteem and broken her down. Petyr had taken her room, her safe space, her bed, and Ramsay took her privacy and her sanity. She felt his eyes everywhere and became a paranoid mess. But because Joffery had broken her down until she believed that she was worthless and useless, she didn’t believe she could save herself, and because Petyr destroyed her trust and faith in humanity, she couldn’t tell anyone.

The fourth day she remembered her brothers. She remembered their smiles. Robb, with his infectious laugh and his need to save the world. Bran, with his guarded smile and yearning to understand everything. Rickon, with his still boyish features and high energy. She remembered playing with them when she was younger, helping Bran and Rickon with school work when she was older. Crying to Robb over some stupid boy in high school and Robb offering to beat him up for her. She reminded herself, the way that Brienne taught her to, that not every man was a Joffery or Petyr or Ramsay. She looked at her brother as examples. Robb had never sworn in front of her, let alone told her anything Joffery did. Bran and Rickon, still so innocent, proving that men were inherently good, she just happened to meet three devils back to back.

The fifth day there was someone on her knoll.

“Ghost?” Sansa asked, trying the name on her tongue, and her voice in the air. Aside from ordering, she hadn’t spoken since checking in nearly as week ago. The white dog raised its head, looking at her. _If you’re here, where’s Jon?_ Sansa almost asked out loud, but she remembered the dog couldn’t answer her. She sat next to him, and before she realized it, she was petting him absentmindedly, staring out into the ocean. Her plan had been to go into town, see if she felt eyes, if she felt healthy enough to return, but the idea of sitting on her knoll one more day with Ghost was far more appealing. She just completely forgot that interacting with Ghost more than likely meant interacting with Jon.

He appeared what felt like an hour later, the soft sounds of his boots giving him away and keeping him from startling Sansa. He sat on the other side of Ghost, a little farther away.

“He bothering you?” he asked, voice sounding softer than it had the first time she’d heard it, when he’d commanded Ghost.

“No, just keeping me company,” Sansa answered easily. Jon angled his body so that he was facing a little more towards her.

“Would you mind watching him? I’ve got to run into town and he seems content here. I’d be gone a half-hour at most. If you need to go somewhere, you can just put him in the lobby of the inn.” Sansa scratched Ghost behind the ears and she more so felt than heard the low rumble roll through the dog.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great, thanks.” She could tell he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. He patted Ghost once before pushing himself up. It wasn’t until he was gone and she was alone with Ghost that she realized that Jon was the first man that she’s interacted with without knowing him from before. In the home it was all women, and once she moved out she was careful not to interact with them if she could avoid it. She had just started with going down a man’s line in the grocery store, or asking a male clerk for help. She hadn’t yet gotten to actual conversations. Not that she thought agreeing to watch his dog was a cause for celebration, but it was something. It was an improvement.

Sansa completely lost track of time, sitting with Ghost on the knoll. She wasn’t actively fighting to not feel anyone’s eyes on her. She wasn’t actively fighting to keep her thoughts on something positive. She actually let her mind drift, not forcing it to only go down certain tracks. Her heartbeat was steady, even when a guy passed by in front of her, on his way down the cliffs on the path. She knew it wasn’t one of her demons. She wasn’t actively comparing the face she saw in front of her to the one she saw in her mind, double, triple checking that it was not a demon.

When Jon returned around the time he said he would, he again sat on the other side of Ghost.

“Thanks. I owe you for that. Was he any trouble?”

“None at all.” Sansa continued to pet the dog, her hands lost in his white fur.

“Can I buy you lunch?” Sansa’s hand clenched in Ghost’s fur. She expected him to tense, growl, move away from her, but Ghost moved closer, allowing her hands more purchase.

“No, thanks though,” she answered at last, Brienne’s voice in her head reminding her that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. She was allowed to say no, to not give an excuse.

“All right. Can I offer to pay for your lunch? You don’t have to eat with me. But I owe you something. Whatever you want.” Sansa almost said, no, thank you again. She almost told him that he could leave Ghost with her whenever he wanted for the rest of the week as the favor, but she could tell by the set of his face, the look in his eyes, that he would want to pay her some way for all the time she spent watching Ghost, even if it did her more good than anything he could give her. But she remembered one of the other things Brienne had taught her. She was allowed to ask for things she wanted. She could want things and it wouldn’t make her required to do anything in return. She’d never get what she wanted if she never asked.

“Can you walk with me through town? With Ghost too? I just want to try something.”

“Sure.” He didn’t ask any questions. He pushed himself to his feet, waited to see if she needed help, and stayed on the other side of Ghost.

They walked through the moderately busy sidewalks of the main street, only Ghost the only link indicating that Sansa and Jon were together. Neither spoke. Sansa walked the way she was used to walking in the city, with her head bent, eyes focused on the ground in front of her, arms crossed protectively in front of her. It wasn’t until Ghost nudged her that she realized how she was walking and straightened up, holding her head higher, arms falling to her sides. She didn’t feel eyes. When they made it to the end of the street, Sansa didn’t feel the sense of accomplishment she thought she would.

“Can… can we try it without Ghost?” She thought maybe she was relying too heavily on Ghost as some sort of security blanket, some kind of wall. Brienne had warned her against it.

“Sure.” He motioned to Ghost, who trotted a few feet ahead, close enough to still keep track of, but far enough ahead that Jon and Sansa fell in step with each other for the first time. Sansa felt her heart start to kick up, blood rushing at a breakneck pace in her veins. She took a deep breath. _I’ve turned my skin from porcelain to ivory, to steel. They cannot hurt me anymore. I’ve turned my skin from porcelain to ivory, to steel. They cannot hurt me anymore. I’ve turned my skin from porcelain to ivory, to steel. They cannot hurt me anymore._ They made it past two storefronts with Sansa focusing solely on her breathing and mantra.

“Are you all right?” Jon asked, stepping closer without invading her space. Sansa said her mantra another two times before answering.

“I will be.” It’s what Brienne taught her to say. She wasn’t at that moment, but she will be, eventually. It was honest and alerted the person asking that she wasn’t all right but it wasn’t an immediate concern.

“Do you want to stop for a second?”

“No.” Sansa was stubborn—she had always been, but it came out more so now that her skin was steel. “But can you talk about something? Anything?” If she was focused on something, maybe her anxiety about being so close to someone, a man nonetheless, would lessen.

“Um, yeah, sure. So I’m in White Harbor because Ghost is from here. He’s a certain breed of dog that’s descended from an ancient type of wolf, called a direwolf. They’re only from this area. They have a convention every spring. They show all the good the dogs can do. They’re highly intelligent. A lot of people who adopt them use them as support dogs or rescue dogs. They tell all of these positive stories to get people to donate to the cause. They also have a specific park for the dogs, which is why I bring Ghost. We don’t get to spend a whole lot of time outside down in the city, so we spend a few weeks here every spring and fall to get him in the real outdoors. Their mating season is in late winter, so a lot of puppies are ready for adoption in the spring too.” Sansa could tell he was rambling—pulling anything from his brain he could think of to keep his mouth moving, but it worked. She was found herself mildly interested, which meant she was able to force her attention on what he was saying and not at the panic she felt. She was able to walk the length of the street next to a man she didn’t really know.

“Is Ghost a support dog?” she found herself asking, thinking of all the times he escorted her from the bathroom to the bus.

“He had some training, but not enough to get him registered.”

“I thought so,” she muttered before she could stop herself.

“Yeah. He’s really emotionally intelligent. He tends to find people who need a little extra support if we’re in public.”

They had made it to where Ghost had stopped, and for the first time, he didn’t step between them. Sansa’s anxiety had definitely lessened to a manageable feeling while listening to him talk, but even more so when she was next to Ghost again. Something else Brienne had said echoed in her mind. It was from a few months ago, a little after she had moved into her own place. Brienne had suggested getting a pet of some sort. S _omething to focus on, to take your mind off other things, create a new routine,_ Brienne had said. Sansa hadn’t thought much of it then. She couldn’t see herself getting a pet. She’d never had one as a child and she didn’t think she was qualified to be responsible for another living thing if she was barely keeping herself together. Spending time, as little as it was, with Ghost though, made her consider it again. Maybe having another creature to spend time with might be good for her. She wasn’t working yet, not that she’d ever had a serious job, but she wasn’t doing anything with her time. Brienne thought she needed a little more time before she was in a less controlled environment, though that was before she took this surprise trip to White Harbor.

“Is the convention still going on?”

“Yeah, until the end of the week.” Sansa asked a few more questions about where it was, the times it was open, and the like while they walked back to the inn.

At the inn, Sansa returned to her room instead of going to the knoll. In her room, she called Brienne.

“Sansa, hello.”

“Hi.” Sansa was pulling at a loose thread she found on one of the throw pillows that was on the window seat.

“I saw you postponed your appointment. Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m in White Harbor. Have been for the past week.”

“What are you doing in White Harbor? Visiting family?” Brienne asked hopefully. She thought that Sansa should have been more in touch with her family and everything that was going on, but Sansa disagreed. She didn’t want to cause her parents to worry or concern. Plus, her mother would want her moved immediately back up to Winterfell. She would have flitted obsessively over Sansa and wouldn’t have allowed her to heal on her own. Brienne understood this but didn’t agree.

“No. You said I should get out of my head, so I got out of the city.”

“Sansa, you know that’s not what I me—”

“No, I know. But I called because I was thinking about something else you said a while ago.”

“Oh?”

“That I should get a pet.”

“Are you thinking of getting one?”

“Maybe. Someone I met up here has a dog that I’ve been spending time with and I’m able to spend time with him without feeling uncontrollably anxious if the dog is there.”

“Did you say him?”

“Yeah, Jon. I met him on the bus. We took a walk through downtown Harbor.”

“How was that?”

“Well, we walked with Ghost, the dog, between us and I was mostly fine. I didn’t feel any eyes. But then I sent Ghost ahead and I felt so anxious that he could tell and asked if I needed to stop. I told him to start talking like you told me to, and it gave me something to focus on, so I could control the anxiety a little.”

“But with the dog you were better?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good Sansa. I’m glad. I think a pet is a good way to help you heal. I’m also glad you’ve met a man you are comfortabl—”

“I don’t know that I’m comfortable with him, not without Ghost, but he reminds me of Robb.”

“That’s good. Are you doing the exercises we talked about?”

“Yes.” Sansa thought she should tell her that the first time she saw Jon she thought he was Ramsay, but Brienne was so proud of her for actively moving forward that Sansa thought it would be counterproductive.

“Good. You have an appointment scheduled for a week from now. Will you be back from White Harbor by then?”

“Yes. I’ll see you then?”

“Have a good week Sansa.”

“Thanks, Brienne.” Sansa hung up and completely made her decision that she was going to adopt a puppy like Ghost.

* * *

Sansa found Jon at the convention with Ghost. The dog was running through the park with some of the other dogs, and Jon was leaning against a fence, watching.

“Alayne, hi.” It took Sansa a minute to realizing that he was talking to her. She’d forgotten that she’d given him a fake name. She should probably tell him her real name. She also probably should have mentioned that to Brienne yesterday.

“Hi.”

“Are you interested in adopting a puppy?” he asked, not all that surprised after the various questions she had asked yesterday. She nodded slowly.

“I think so.” Jon nodded and called Ghost over to them. He explained that all of the dogs in the park were already owned and that the puppies and dogs waiting to be adopted were on the other side of the park.

“So what type of dog are you looking for? A puppy, a dog? Any training?” Sansa shrugged. She wasn’t sure. She just wanted a dog like Ghost.

“Something like Ghost? But younger.” He nodded thoughtfully. They walked with Ghost no longer between them. He was rushing ahead, sniffing at plants, at new people, the animals. They were quiet, but there wasn’t an awkward silence between them. It wasn’t full of tension or uncomfortable. Sansa’s anxiety wasn’t assaulting her at full force. Maybe it was because she had something to focus on, or maybe whatever thing in her her demons had fucked up was actually starting to heal and recognized that Jon wasn’t a threat.

“Hey, Sam. This is my friend Alayne—“ Jon had started to introduce her, but Sansa had to cut him off.

“Pardon, my name’s actually Sansa.” She looked apologetically at Jon, but didn’t apologize. Brienne had taught her not to apologize for things that she did in order to feel safe.

“—My friend Sansa, and she’s looking to adopt a puppy,” Jon continued without missing a beat. The guy Jon was talking to was round, with an equally round face and a soft smile. Sansa felt her anxiety tick up at being out numbered—both Jon and Sam to only one of her, but it wasn’t anywhere near what it would have been a year ago. Sam asked her a few questions before asking Jon a few as well, apparently he was the one Jon adopted Ghost from a few years ago.

“I’ve got a few you can play with, see if you form any connections. I’ll be right back.” Sam tottered off, leaving her alone with Jon and Ghost again. Jon turned to face her once Sam was out of earshot.

“You did tell me your name was Alayne at the rest stop, right? I haven’t completely made it up?” Sansa felt herself flush with embarrassment, but she also stood by her decision to lie to him about her name.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did. I—” she began to explain, but Jon cut her off.

“It’s all right. Guy you don’t know at a rest station on a bus? Were I a girl, I probably would’ve done the same thing.” Sansa managed a smile at that. He understood, not all of it, but enough, without her having to explain any of it. He understood the general anxiety she would have felt before her demons about giving her name to a strange man at a bus rest stop. “Sansa.” He said her name as if he was testing it out, seeing how it fit whatever image of her he had conjured in his mind after their brief encounters. “It’s pretty.”

“Thanks.” She wasn’t sure if it was flirting or not, but it was innocent enough that she didn’t feel the urge to run.

“All right,” Sam huffed, out of breath, his arms being yanked in different directions due to the multiple leashes he had in his hands. “Here are some that are ready for adoption. They’re a little older; they’ve been house trained and some emergency training. I’ll put them in this pen, and you can play with them. See who you form a connection with.” Sansa nodded and followed him to a paddock. He released the five puppies into the paddock and waited for her to follow them in before shutting the gate. Sansa hesitated. She recognized that the paddock was a large, open space and she could easily unlatch the gate from the inside or climb over the planks of wood that created it, but she felt her anxiety swelling nonetheless.

“Jon, will you come in with me?” she asked, knowing that if she wasn’t alone, even if it was with a man, it wouldn’t make her feel quite as trapped. Jon nodded without asking any questions.

Jon stood back a little, near the gate. Sansa went in a little farther, and sat in the grass, waiting for the puppies to come to her. The five of them hadn’t noticed the two humans yet; they were too busy chasing each other in circles. Finally, one of them came barreling at her and she had to catch it before it knocked her down. The other four quickly followed and she was covered in puppies. She wasn’t sure what Sam had meant when he said find which one she had a connection with; the puppies were all licking her and she wanted to adopt all of them. But then one, the all black one, of them broke free, and three others chased after them. Sansa looked around for the fifth puppy, and was surprised when she found the puppy sitting a little behind and to the side of her, tail wagging.

“Hi there,” she cooed to the puppy. This one was white and grey, with ears that stuck up, making it look like it was always attentive. “Aren’t you cute?” Sansa put her hand out for the puppy to sniff, an invitation for it to come closer, but the puppy just stared at her.

“She’s shy. She’s a little more reserved than her siblings,” Sam told her. Sansa glanced at him to acknowledge that she’d heard before shifting how she’d sat, crossing her legs, and deciding to wait for the puppy to come to her.

It took a while, the other four puppies climbing over her and occasionally over the other puppy, but Sansa was determined. Jon had come over and sat near her after a few minutes, playing with the other puppies but also watching her. For some reason, it didn’t bother her though. Maybe it was because she knew she was being watched, or maybe it was because she was doing something that was actually normal to watch, or maybe it was because it wasn’t constant, it was just a glance every once and a while.

After what Sansa thought was half an hour, the puppy got up, scampered over, and plopped herself in Sansa’s lap. She didn’t attack quite the same way as her siblings did, but when the black puppy came running headlong toward them, the grey puppy in her lap let out a slight growl, obviously claiming Sansa as hers. Sansa laughed, louder and more freely than she had in years, since before her first demon.

Sam went to take the other four puppies back and bring Sansa the paperwork while she continued to sit in the paddock with the puppy and Jon.

“How’d you come up with Ghost’s name?” Sansa asked Jon. Hearing his name, Ghost walked around the outside of the paddock, looking to see if he was needed.

“He’s quiet and white. He looks like a ghost,” Jon shrugged.

“Well, she looked like a proper lady, sitting the way she did before. Maybe I’ll name her Lady,” Sansa mused out loud.

“That’s a good name.” Sansa heard Jon respond, but she was too busy focusing on Lady to reply to his comment. Jon didn’t seem to mind.

After an hour of paperwork, Jon walked with Sansa, Lady, and Ghost to the pet store near by to help her get everything she needed. She hadn’t realized half of the things necessary in having a puppy, so she was grateful for Jon being there.

Once they were back at the inn, Jon helped her carry her new purchases into the room she’d been renting and helped to organize it.

“Thanks for the help today,” Sansa commented as he finished assembling the puppy carrier she’d bought.

“No problem. There’s a walking path Ghost and I walk in the morning, if you and Lady want to join us.” Sansa paused. Did she want to join them? She thought it would be good for Lady, and walking along the cliffs probably wasn’t the best route to walk a puppy.

“How long is the path?” If it was short, she thought she could do it. Small increments, baby steps, like Brienne had suggested.

“Half an hour, about?”

“Sure. Lady and I’ll meet you in the lobby?”

“Sure. See you tomorrow, Sansa.” Sansa waved goodbye and shut the door behind him.

 

The last several days of her stint in White Harbor were mostly spent outside with Lady. In the mornings, after breakfast, she would meet Jon and Ghost in the lobby and they would walk the path nearby. They mostly talked about their dogs, but they would occasionally share other stories that were dog related as well. Sansa let Jon do most of the talking, listening quietly, because she didn’t want to share parts of her past, and because Lady was the first pet she’d owned. In the afternoons, after lunch, she would wander into town with Lady, doing all of the exploring she didn’t get a chance to her first week in the Harbor. She’d also play with Lady by the cliffs, but she didn’t sit on her knoll.

At the end of the week, Sansa and Jon boarded the bus together. Jon had helped her with all of her new effects, and they sat near each other on the bus. Jon took the backbench again, as it was easiest with Ghost, and Sansa took the seat in front of him, allowing Lady the aisle seat.

They, meaning Jon, would chat occasionally, and Sansa would continue the conversation as long as she was comfortable. At the rest stops, they would switch off, one staying to watch the dogs until the other had returned. It was all very simple and uncomplicated. It was friendly. It didn’t cause Sansa serious anxiety. At least, it didn’t until they started to approach the city.

“Hey, Sansa,” Jon started. He sounded a little different than the other times he’d started conversations that way.

“Yeah?”

“Would you want to get together some time, in the city? Coffee, or dinner, or a drink?” Sansa couldn’t help but feel flattered. He was asking her out. He didn’t recognize her as the broken thing she once was, that she was only realizing that maybe she wasn’t anymore. She was flattered, but she would say no. It was the one thing that she and Brienne never once disagreed on about her healing process. Dating was a long ways away. She had been healing, feeling better, less eyes, but she hadn’t tried getting a job yet, and until she knew how that went, she couldn’t even consider dating.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not in a good place for that right now. I’m—”

“It’s all right, I understand. Can I give you my number though? Just in case you have questions about Lady. Or if, you know, when you are in a good place…give me a call.” Sansa nodded, agreeing that her having his number for Lady related purposes would probably be a good idea. She didn’t allow herself to consider the other half of what he said.

When they pulled into the Greyhound station, they both had each other’s numbers programmed into their phones. Jon had offered to help her get everything to her apartment, but Sansa declined—her car was in the lot of the station and she could get everything from there. Once her car was packed, Lady and Ghost sitting patiently next to them, Jon and Sansa faced each other, faced the inevitable.

“I guess this is goodbye?” Sansa shifted awkwardly, not knowing how to say goodbye, so she just nodded. “Even if you don’t have any questions, but need someone to talk to, hang out with, walk down the street with, you can call me,” Jon offered. Sansa just nodded again. She could tell he wanted a hug, but all seven hells would have had to freeze over for that being an option.

“I will,” she said instead, and picked up Lady, giving her an excuse to not accept the hug.

“See you around, then.”

“See you around. Bye, Ghost.” She stooped to scratch Ghost behind the ears one last time before he and Jon turned and walked away.

* * *

ONE YEAR LATER

“Come on, Lady. We’re going to miss the bus,” Sansa chided, hurrying her too-large puppy out her apartment door. Lady would bound ahead, doubling back to fall in step with Sansa before rushing ahead again. Sansa and Lady were often out of the apartment, but Lady somehow knew this was different; this was a big, important trip.

The pair raced to the bus station, Sansa hoping to get there in time, Lady enjoying running down the street. Sansa wasn’t running away this time though. She was running towards something. She wasn’t worrying about feeling eyes on her, or accidentally bumping into anyone on the street. For the most part, she didn’t feel anxious anymore. She no longer repeated her mantra on a daily or even weekly basis. There were still times that she felt eyes, that she thought she saw one of her demons in the crowd, but it wasn’t frequent. Nor were her visits to Brienne’s office. Last year, she had been going once a week, but she was on a dismissal path now, only going once a month, as a sort of mental and emotional check up. She wasn’t fixed or healed, or whatever it was that people become after being as broken as she was, but she was well on her way, much more so than she had been a year ago.

Once they were in the bus station, near enough to where they were headed, Sansa allowed Lady to barrel ahead, because Sansa and Lady saw the same thing, and what caused Lady to charge forward caused Sansa to pause, smile, and take in the sight. Because under the sign that labeled the bus as headed for White Harbor stood a man with dark curls and a massive white dog.


End file.
